The most meaningful lesson I've learned in life
You know those kinds of reflection questions us ‘personal development people’ like to ask…ones like, “what’s one of the most meaningful lessons you’ve learned in life?”
Well, instead of asking that question of you, I’m going to share my answer. But I’ll need to tell you a story first…
When I moved to New York City at age 20, I went there to follow a longing. I thought that longing was because I had a poets soul, an artist’s vision, and never really felt I belonged…anywhere. So if I was going to find home within myself and with others, maybe I’d find it in that place that isn’t like anywhere else in the world.
And I did. I found home both within myself and with others in that gritty, gorgeous city. The journey there, however, did not look anything like I thought it would. I thought NYC would bring out the artist in me, but by the time I was 26, I wasn’t performing on broadway or hosting my first gallery opening.
I was teaching yoga to incarcerated youth.
I never intended to teach, I only got into yoga to hang out with a girl I had a crush on and because I was told it might help with my emotional well-being as I was prone to outbursts of rage and was often depressed. Due to the place I was working at the time (an urban holistic learning center) I was offered an opportunity to do a yoga teacher training in exchange for supporting the teachers with the space and student needs.
After graduation I had a mentor encourage me to volunteer for The Lineage Project, a non-profit that brings trauma-informed mindfulness practices to at-risk and incarcerated youth all over NYC. He did this himself and felt I’d be good with the kids involved in these programs. Honestly, at the time, I had no idea why he thought that because, deep down, I didn’t think I had much to offer anyone. I had a tough outer shell, but I was drowning in self-doubt inside.
I avoided his guidance for a while, but eventually my higher self rose to the call and I went to volunteer as a ‘co-teacher.’ For months, I mostly just watched the lead teacher do her thing. I studied the kids behavior and their reactions and how the teacher navigated it all. I slowly started to bring stories and practices to the table as well, and a year later I was offered a paid role as a lead teacher and was given several sites of my own.
One of those locations was an incarceration facility for youth in the Bronx. Before this, I had worked in a community-based organization that was much like big brother or big sister. I had not experienced incarcerated youth before. I had not been inside a prison. I had no idea what to expect. HOWEVER…. what I certainly didn’t expect was to be taken down a mind-fuck of a reality check in white privilege. I had no idea I’d be receiving the in your face, here’s the truth of our ‘justice’ system deep dive. I had no idea my heart would break over and over again when I’d walk out of that facility (and many more like it over the next 6-years) because I was free to walk out and knew most should be walking out with me.
In the 6-years I taught incarcerated youth, I had just one white student, a runaway from Florida. She was there only two weeks before being sent home. The other kids (and yes kids…they were between 12-17) were all black and were often there for months before being sentenced, in other words, before they were even convicted of a crime! Since they were youth, we were not allowed to directly ask them why they were there. Though we often found out why when we’d share in circle. The most common things we heard - I ran away from home, I had a small joint in my pocket, or (and this one really gets me) I jumped the subway turnstile because I didn’t have money to get to school that day. It’s not that only black youth are committing these so-called ‘crimes.’ It’s that police officers are told to target certain neighborhoods (poor black ones in particular).
An organization I follow, Together Rising, wrote:
‘TWO-THIRDS of people in jail have not been convicted of any crime. 95% of recent jail population growth consists of people who have never been convicted.WHY? Because the US’s cash bail system — dominated by commercial bail bondsmen — means the majority of people in jail are there simply because they are too poor to make bail.Black people are up to 50% more likely than white people to be unable to pay their bail and be held in jail pretrial.Judges impose bail on Black people that is up to twice as high as bail set for white people.Women who are held in jail pretrial are facing bail amounts roughly equal to their annual income — $10,000.Those detained pretrial are more likely to: plead guilty/accept plea deals, be sentenced to incarceration, and receive sentences that are longer than those who get out on bail.Dozens have died in jail while facing charges such as traffic offenses or probation violations.’
Due to the way our ‘justice’ system is run there are horrific stories, such as Kalief Browders story, a Black 16-year-old accused of stealing a backpack, spent 3 years at Rikers Island, having never been convicted of a crime — all because his family could not pay. He later died by suicide.
I know it’s hard to read my words…thank-you for not looking away. I opened by saying I was going to share my personal answer to “what’s one of the most meaningful lessons you’ve learned in life?”
The answer is…
learning to not look away when my heart is breaking.
In Glennon Doyle’s newest book, Untamed (she is also the founder of the above organization mentioned), she says this, “Heartbreak delivers your purpose. If you are brave enough to accept the delivery and seek out the people doing that particular world-changing work, you find your people.”
Purpose and people…it’s what life is all about. So if we keep looking away when the world presents us with something hard, not only do we lose the opportunity to make a difference, we also lose the opportunity to bring our full selves to the world.
I Invite you to not look away if your heart is breaking and to join me and other courageous souls to come together this July 6th to talk about how to lead (and move forward) in times of challenge. As always, it will be messy and it will be soulful. We will dive into powerful dialogue and reflection questions that will help you navigate how to use your voice and gifts in times when it’s hard to know where to begin. We’ll explore heartbreak, pain, and love…and we’ll learn to listen to each of these things to better connect with a sense of purpose…rather than fear and silence.
For the July Leadership Lounge, I am asking that anyone who joins us simply donate at least $39 (the usual cost of this 2-hour interactive lesson) to nationalbailout.org - all you need to do is e-mail me your donation receipt/email at support@ambercampion.com (a screenshot or anything else that shows me you donated).
note: If you donate after June 30th, you will not receive an email from me until the evening of July 5th as I’ll be in nature camping July 1-5 (no electronics or media for 5 days - yay!).
Despair says, “The heartbreak is too overwhelming. I am too sad and too small, and the world is too big. I cannot do it all, so I will do nothing.” Courage says, “I will not let the fact that I cannot do everything keep me from doing what I can.” - Glennon Doyle
I hope you’ll choose courage and join us! (and if you can’t make the lounge, you can still donate to https://www.nationalbailout.org/ ) ;-)
To bringing our full selves to the world…together,
