Ever felt stuck, unsure of your next steps, or a lack of harmony? READ THIS!
Here is what I know in my bones (I love saying that!)…
Who we are BEING is the key to creating lasting positive change in our lives and the world at large. We aren’t really taught this. We are a world of ‘do, do, do’ and that is the pathway to success and happiness that most of us have been taught.
I’ve met people who have ‘everything’ (money, a home(s), a car(s), a great body, a good partner, a list of achievements), yet feel like something is off, something is missing…they feel incomplete and divided within themselves. In the best case, they’re complacent. In the worst case, they’re downright miserable.
I’ve met people who have ‘nothing’ (money, a home(s), a car(s), a great body, a good partner, a list of achievements), yet feel in tuned with life, their life. They feel whole and undivided. In the best case, they are full of joy, ease, and gratitude. In the worst case, they feel a sense of harmony as their natural state, no matter their external circumstances.
I’ve also met people who have fulfillment - they are on the most artistic journey of creating themselves both inside and out. It’s messy and it’s marvelous…even in the mundane. Life may not be ‘easy,’ but they know ease is possible. Life may not be ‘perfect,’ but they know some semblance of harmony is possible. Life may not always go their way, but they can find the collateral beauty in every circumstance, every challenge, every heart-break.
In the Fulfillment Formula™ I teach a framework called S.O.U.L (we will be going through this and so much more in The Changemakers Collective).
The ’S’ stands for -> Standards of integrity
…and it is here that we begin the deep work of discovering who we need to BE to actually create the life we most desire for ourself (and for the world). Because the truth is - character (who you are being) is fundamental to moving you in the direction of your highest good (not luck, age, money, resources, etc.). And what I have found is that magic happens here…even to the point that often what we thought we wanted, radically shifts. Why? If you look up the word Integrity, you will find this as one of the definitions…
Integrity: the state of being whole and undivided.
When we’re out of integrity with who we are at our core (our core values), we feel something is missing. There is an incompleteness in our life and our very being - no matter our external reality.
However, when we live, love, and lead from our core values, we feel whole and undivided within ourselves. We become untangled, we are more clear and confident about our next steps, and we feel the sweet notes of our unique existence (harmony) in both the tension and the release of our life.
So today I’m sharing with you a process I created to help you discover and define your core values. I recommend you grab your favorite beverage, light a candle or incense, and create space to yourself (and for yourself) for 30 minutes.
PS. We will be doing exercises like this and SO. MUCH. MORE in The Changemakers Collective - a 4 week experience to create your year ahead with purpose, presence, and peace of mind. I’d love for you join us - we already have an incredibly inspiring group of people who joined and to be honest - I can’t think of a more powerful super power going into 2019 than being a part of a like-minded community of kind, courageous, creative, ambitious seekers.
Discovering and Defining Your Core Values…
After all the questions, I have shared my own answers/reflections to help stir ideas and to deepen your understanding of the process (I personally am a lover of examples). I recommend you don’t think too much, just start writing and trust you know the answer to these questions when you get out of your own way.
For question 1 and 2 you will need to ask a trusted person you are deeply close to (a best friend, a close teacher or coach, a partner). This is more to determine your strengths and how you are being (according to others)…
1. What are my most redeeming qualities (according to my partner)…
Driven/passionate/okay with failing/determined/thoughtful/straight-forward/organized/health-minded/loving/compassionate/empathetic
2. What really matters to me (according to my partner)…
Growth/Contribution/Celebration/Fulfillment (he laughs after saying these four words - and those of you who know my work - you understand why). ;-)
For question 3-7, its all you…
3. What is something that is a must for you, a proclivity of yours, or something that really errks you…
My environment to feel good and harmonious and my top 5 people I spend time with being of excellent character/doing important/interesting things in their life. When I move to a new place, I must set up my space right away - making it feel cozy, inviting, and beautiful - this means a lot to me and I also love it! Restaurants also…I choose first by environment, then food, then cost. ;-) I rather eat at home than eat out at a place that feels drab or lacking in character. Same with the core people in my life - I admire strong character, creating interesting stories in their life and who are life long learners.
4. What must I appreciate then?
Appreciation of… Beauty and Excellence
5. What situation, challenge, inefficiency or insanity do you see that you want to transform?
Lack of kindness and acceptance of differences - a need to hide (wearing masks & armor) because we all feel so much fear of our truth! “Will we not belong our be loved if we are ourself?”
People not reaching for their potential (and so much of this is really about intrinsic growth, rather than extrinsic growth to me) - I see it as not truly living! A ‘settling’ or a ‘checking out as a norm’ creating deep sickness (physically, mentally, spiritually, environmentally, etc.). Not leaning into the richness of life, thus not tapping into our collective purpose to inspire the world towards peace and harmony. Letting the illusion of fears (not good enough, not ready, they will all hate me, what if I fail, there are no other choices, etc.) navigate our choices again and again. Choosing familiarity over fulfillment and therefore not reaching our potential as changemakers/making this world a better place to be.
6. How could I show up in the world (through my being) to be a part of the change for this situation, challenge, inefficiency or insanity I see?
I can be real (even when it’s uncomfortable), honest (even when its hard), speak my truth (even when my voice shakes). I can be the first to take my mask off in community, I can strive for authenticity in all that I do and be and give myself permission to 1. Be human (I will make mistakes) and 2. Start again when I discover I’m showing up with a mask - ie. Take the mask off, “hello, let me introduce myself to you again.” I can share both my wins and failures, ups and downs, good hair days and bad hair days. ;-) I can be vulnerable in honor of being a stand for truth.
I can be brave in following my heart and listening to that still, small voice. I can make choices, even when I’m scared (but know deep down, that even if I fail…I’ll be ok, likely better than ok). I can encourage courage through my being and also study fear and teach solutions for moving through, making peace with, and easing the GREAT STOPPER - fear. I can express compassion and empathy to others as they move through their own fears…because, “I get it!” And because a softening is needed to create change, just as much as a fierceness.
7. If I was to narrow that down to ONE word, what word would that be?
TRUTH
COURAGE
My core values are: truth, courage, beauty, and excellence.
I can see how when I’m not showing up for these values in my life, I feel ‘off’ (incomplete and divided within myself).
Looking at my core values - it makes sense why I come alive in martial arts and improv classes. It’s so clear to me why it means so much to me to create space that feels elegant, artistic, natural, and cozy (that’s beautiful to me). It’s clear to me why I cry when I see art that speaks to the human spirit, why I feel life itself is the Great poet of our universe. It’s undeniable that my values speak to why it means a great deal to me to curate honest, nourishing, and inspiring experiences for others and why I feel above all else, I am an artist.
I can also easily reflect on times in my life when I didn’t honor those values - I felt upset, confused, frustrated, not myself, and as if sacred boundaries were crossed.
Can you see the power in discovering and defining your values?
Below is a list of values to help you with the process above. You can also google ‘list of values’ to see even more examples.
Liked this process and want more! Check out The Changemakers Collective
Now I’d love to hear from you!
What are your top 3-5 core values? And what did you find in this exercise to be most helpful?
{to comment, scroll below ‘values list’}
VALUES LIST
Accountability Achievement Adaptability Altruism Ambition Authenticity
Balance Beauty Being the best Belonging
Caring Collaboration Commitment Common sense Community Compassion Competence Confidence Connection Contentment Contribution Cooperation Courage Creativity Credibility
Dignity Diversity Dependability Depth
Environment Efficiency Equality Ethics Excellence
Fairness Faith Family Financial stability Forgiveness Freedom Friendship Fun Future generations
Generosity Giving back Grace Gratitude Growth
Harmony Health Home Honesty Hope Humility Humor Honor
Inclusion Independence Integrity Initiative Intuition
Job security Joy Justice
Kindness Knowledge
Leadership Learning Legacy Leisure Love Loyalty
Making a difference Motherhood Motivation
Openness Optimism Order
Parenting Patriotism Patience Peace Perseverance Personal fulfillment Power Pride
Recognition Reliability Respect Resourcefulness Responsibility Risk-taking
Safety Security Self-discipline Self-expression Self-respect Serenity Service Simplicity Spirituality Sportsmanship Stewardship Success
Time Teamwork Thrift Tradition Travel Trust Truth
Understanding Uniqueness Usefulness
Vision
Wealth Well-being Wholeheartedness Wisdom
To seeing ourselves more clearly…together.
