Why am I not happier?
We get the career, yet we still feel something is missing.
We lose the weight, yet we still feel we aren’t enough.
We get the partner, yet we still feel alone.
We buy the house, yet no matter how much we fill it with stuff, we still feel emptiness.
We are confused, ashamed to admit the truth, even to ourself (because technically ‘we have it all’)…yet, there it is, lingering in the background…“Why am I not happier?”
When I was younger I saw this so clearly. The way people would go after these things that the world told us would make us happy, only to arrive there unfulfilled.
I decided in that moment, I would do things differently. This choice sent me on a journey searching for the ultimate answer to fulfillment, determined to unlock the key to true happiness.
I lived the ‘artist life’ in NYC, that then turned into the ‘holistic health life.’
I meditated in Brazilian jungles for weeks and traveled to exotic places solo, soul searching, for months.
I became an ex-pat, living for 2 years in Nicaragua, surfing and teaching yoga.
Yet, those things didn’t lead me to lasting happiness either.
Again and again, I had chosen a very different approach to life, yet there I was…confused, ashamed to admit the truth, even to myself, thinking, “Why am I not happier?” I ran in the opposite direction, yet ended up exactly where I was seeing everyone else. Unfulfilled.
It dawned on me… the common link between these two apparently ‘different’ approaches was that they weren’t actually different at their core. They were both seeking to resolve happiness by leading with extrinsic solutions.
Instead of chasing success through achieving a ‘status defining career’ that society said would make me happy - I was chasing success through ‘self expression and not working for the man’ that society said would make me happy.
Instead of spending money on buying a house, that society said would make me happy - I was spending money on travel, that society said would make me happy.
Instead of settling down, getting married, and preparing for children - I was moving around, getting passports stamped, and preparing for another trip.
Here is the thing I realized…none of these things are inherently good or bad and none of things are the answer to happiness or fulfillment.
So what are we to do?
The answer is we must go deeper, because lasting happiness and fulfillment are not found on the surface, they are found in the places we’re most afraid to lean into…{tweet this}
It’s in answering who we need to be, rather than what we need to do.
It’s in getting in touch with what’s beneath the surface of our extrinsic desires, touching the heart of our core aspirations - the truth of what we’re really after - even if that takes us on a wildly different life path (and scares the shit out of us).
It’s in taking off the masks we have become so accustomed to wearing, and revealing our most vulnerable, messy, true selves.
It’s in learning to trust ourselves again and not just hear, but listen, to the calling of our still small voice, our soul.
It’s remembering who we really are and learning to lead from that place, even if it ‘slows us down.’
On Tuesday, Nov. 6th (5:30pm PST / 8:30pm EST), I will be on Facebook Live discussing this topic of happiness and fulfillment, along with sharing more details and answering your questions about The Changemakers Collective - a 4 week virtual journey to create your year ahead with purpose, presence, and peace of mind (using The Fulfillment Formula as the foundation of the experience).
*Spots are limited, as I will be mailing you The Fulfillment Formula Journal + Companion Planner. Be sure to grab your spot now.
“The Fulfillment Formula changed my life. Before working with Amber I was the kind of person that manifested all frustrations onto my body. I got to the point where physical pain was keeping me from living fully and connecting with others in the way I wanted. The coaching process allowed for me to let go of many deep beliefs that I had and gave me effective tools to work with in difficult situations. I discovered a connection to my own sense of spirituality and how it's clearly connected to my line of work (sustainability). Today I have no pain, I deeply love people, and I do work that is aligned with my soul purpose. I'm changing not just my own life, but also the world. I'm a changemaker!”
-Thalita Legora aka Green Girl | Founder of Green4All
The answer is we must go deeper, because lasting happiness and fulfillment are not found on the surface, they are found in the places we’re most afraid to lean into.
To going deeper…together.
