6 Rituals to help you surrender control & return to your Self
NOTE about this piece: I became reminiscent, reading through some of my old blog posts. I found one piece from almost (to the date) 2-years ago (the original was published Dec. 3rd 2018). The interesting thing is that what I wrote then, still holds deeply true to me and what I’m sharing with the world today. I’m even co-hosting a free 3-day event on Instagram called RITUAL that begins Dec. 1st, 2020. So, I thought I’d share this with you all again, as I have a feeling it will also resonate with you today.
Resistance and overwhelm can rage war in our head when we forget these three truths…
1. Life is going to get full at times.
2. Life has its seasons.
3. Life is going to hit crossroads.
…and when our life is full, in a season of transition, and/or at a crossroads…how do we come back to ourselves? How do we let this season of our life BE, while also holding onto what matters most to us?
Let me tell you a story of the season I’m in, and maybe my story will help you be with your own, with more ease…
Since the beginning of November, I’ve been finding myself seeping deeper and deeper into hibernation mode. I want to sleep in later than usual and I want to end my days earlier than usual. Even though it’s technically still Fall, I’m personally in the season of Winter within my own personal cycle of life. In addition, I’m at some big crossroads both professionally and personally. Life feels full, but in truth, right now, I only have about 6 hours of real, pure energy per day.
At first, I embraced it. I found myself a Netflix binge-worthy show (Jane The Virgin - absolutely hilarious) and I gave myself permission to sleep in until 8am (sometimes until 9am). Of course, doing this caused my morning time to myself to be much less spacious, with my evenings taken over by a four-season, nail-biting, breath-holding, gasp-inducing American telenovela.
At first, I gotta admit, it felt pretty good. But after about two weeks of this, I started feeling depressed. Instead of it feeling like I was listening to myself, it started feeling more like I was hiding from myself.
And it’s that change in how we’re experiencing our external reality, that usually activates the ‘Yo-Yo’ lifestyle for most. We go from one extreme to another. And trust me, that old habit of mine wanted to kick in. If I was to give that old way of being a name, I’d call her Petra (after one of the characters in my beloved telenovela) and this would be her solution….
“okay Amber, enough is enough! I’m taking over and I’m going to figure this out for you. Set your alarm for 6:30am, make your bed (and if Jp doesn’t want to wake up at that hour, you give him a look of disapproval), do 30 minutes of yoga, 20 minutes of meditation, shower (and don’t forget 1-2 minutes of cold water therapy), make your coffee, sit and read an inspiring book for another 30 minutes, and then by 8:30am you can feed and walk Einstein, then eat something healthy and light yourself, making it to your office by 9:30am…oh, and no more telenovela! period.”
Yep, that’s the voice of my inner tyrant. She thinks she’s just looking out for my best interest (and everyone else’s for that matter), but in truth, she’s afraid of losing control.
There was a time when I let that part of myself navigate my decisions. These days I’m much softer with myself. However, that doesn’t mean I no longer create positive discipline in my life. My perspective; however, has shifted with regards to my way of being when approaching discipline.
Now, discipline comes from a sense of devotion to bringing my full self to the world, which embraces all the seasons of my life.
So this time, when I began feeling depressed after two weeks of sleeping in and evenings in an alternate reality (called TV), I approached change with more grace and compassion. Instead of Petra (my inner tyrant) coming to ‘my rescue’, it was Pema (my inner wise and loving teacher, named after Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön). And this was her solution…
“Ahhh Amber, I see you have a lot on your plate and you’re feeling the weight of that. You’ve experienced a lot this year and your mind has been needing a rest. It’s very intuitive and compassionate of you to listen to that. However, I’m also seeing that now, after two weeks, resting is feeling a bit more depleting than nourishing. Can I make a suggestion? Yes, great… Remember you can honor the season of life you’re in, while still holding onto what matters to you - its not a ‘this OR that’ choice, it’s a “this AND that’ choice. When approached from a place of love and remembrance, routines transform into rituals and they become a tool…rather than a ‘should.’ You know what to do from here. You got this brave one.”
And so, from that way of being, discipline looked very different - it became a ritual of remembering, rather than a routine ‘to get back in control of life.’ {TWEET THIS}
I’m still sleeping in a bit longer than usual, but I wake up and give myself at least one morning ‘gift.’ And I’m still on track to finish all four seasons of my telenovela, but there is balance there now, as I have implemented the 50/50 ritual. (see both rituals below)
Through connecting with rituals from a stance of love and remembrance, rather than a ‘should,’ we honor the season of life we are in, while still holding true to bringing our full self to the world.
I don’t have to wake up at 6:30am right now if that’s not working for me and I don’t have to give up my telenovela if I’m enjoying it. But I also don’t have to hide from myself either.
Below are the two rituals I implemented, along with their benefits and how to do them. Then, below that is a guide I made giving you eight, easy to implement rituals that fit into the season of life you’re in at this time.
My Morning 'Gifts' Ritual
Benefits: This ritual is a true gift to yourself, with the power to enhance your presence, vitality, and overall feeling of balance and inspiration in your day to day life. The very first moments of the morning set the tone for the rest of the day. Everything from your first thoughts to how you chose to nourish your body, mind and spirit greatly influence the outcome of your overall happiness and energy.
Time it takes: anywhere from 1 minute - 1 hour (it’s entirely up to you)
Ritual: Consider your morning routine and how it makes you feel. Are you starting your day with habits that are dragging you down or don’t feel aligned with you and your lifestyle at this time? What would you rather be feeling and doing?
Identify morning ‘gifts’ that you could give yourself to set your day up in a way that enhances the way you want to feel. Be sure to choose ‘gifts’ that fit within your morning and create a feeling of inner space and presence.
Practice these ‘gifts’ as habits for at least one month, then make adjustments/expand on them as needed. The key here is that they feel like true gifts to you, not ‘shoulds.’
An example of a morning ‘gifts’ ritual…
note: quality is the name of the game here, not quantity.
Gratitude and prayer, saying “thank you” as I first open my eyes. (1-5 minutes)
Deep breathing exercises. (1-5 minutes)
Stretching and self-myofascial release with a tennis ball. (5-10 minutes)
Magic Mindset Meditation or other meditation practice. (10 minutes)
Jumping jacks/exercise and saying words of affirmation out loud. (5 minutes)
Making a cup of coffee or tea and reading or listening to an inspiring book. (20 minutes)
Total time if I give myself ALL of these gifts: 42 - 55 minutes.
Total time if I give myself ONE of these gifts: 1 - 20 minutes.
The 50/50 Ritual
Benefits: This ritual is transformational in elevating inspiration in your life. It is also helpful in creating boundaries, in a playful way, around the amount of screen time for entertainment (watching tv/movies, playing video games, etc.) you spend each week.
Time it takes: depends on you
Ritual: For every minute or hour of television you watch / video games you play, you spend an equal amount of time reading or listening to audiobooks.
By implementing simple new rituals that resonate with us, we are able to create our days with more intention, feel more aligned with our true selves, and create results in our life that feel truly meaningful.
These rituals are here to support us, rather than becoming ‘shoulds’ in our life. Approach them mindfully and with an experiment mindset - a ‘come from’ that is curious and in the moment, rather than rigid and aggressively focused on the outcome. If a ritual is working for you, wonderful. If not, let it go and continue exploring different rituals that better resonate with you at this time in your life.
To get 4 other simple, yet inspiring rituals, download
RADICAL PRESENCE:
6 rituals to create more space and deepen trust in your body, mind, and life
To honoring the season of life we’re in…together.
